A beginner’s guide to BDSM

woman Beginners Guide

BDSM is now mainstream because of the fifty shades of grey movie and book. Presently, more are more people are becoming interested in the practice and what to try it out. As humans, we are usually very excited about trying new things and expanding our horizon. In that light, if you are new to BDSM, you may have a strong desire to dive into it as soon as you can. But, doing that isn’t really a good idea.

Truth be told, BDSM isn’t for everyone, but if it is something you are interested in, you are going to find this article useful. You see, diving into the practice without doing any research is a sure way to hurt yourself and your partner.

So, in this article, we are going to be looking at some basic things you need to know before starting BDSM.

If you are new to the practice, it likely going to be a challenge for you to tell your partner that you want to try kinky sex. Well, if that is the case, cross your heart and just do it. Ask your partner if he or she will be comfortable with it way before you get into the bedroom.

Is BDSM safe?

There is a lot of debate as to if BDSM is safe or not. Many jump into conclusion that the practice is risky and should be avoided. But if you take a close look at it, you will find out that it is actually very safe. You see, the submissive in the practice may look helpless, but he or she has a safe word or a signal she can give to put everything to a halt.

So, the first thing you should do before starting the practice is to find a safe word or a sign. Don’t choose something complicated or that will be too hard for your partner to get.

Be in your right senses

Never should you engage in the practice when you are intoxicated. Doing this may put you and your partner at serious risk. We get it; you get braver and more confident after downing a few drinks. But engaging in the practice when your senses are dull may slow down your response to the need of your partner.

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How far is too far?

Before starting the practice, sit down with you partner and discuss how far he or she is willing to go. You may be super-excited about it and want to try out some advanced moves, but your partner may not be physically or mentally ready for them. It is best you start small and walk your way up gradually.

When your partner says the safe word or signal, everything should come to halt. Doing this will make your partner trust you more.

Keep in mind that safe words are not only for submissive but also for dominant. It might be difficult for you to see why the dominant will need a safe word. Look at it this way, at times, the submissive might beg the dominant to do things he or she is not comfortable with. When that happens, he or she can say the safe word and stop the session.

The bottom line is to take things gradually.

Who do you want to be- dominant or submissive?

It might be difficult or impossible for you to determine if you are a dominant or submissive especially if you are new to BDSM. To accurately ascertain where you stand, you may need to try out both. Don’t limit yourself early on. Be open; try things out until you are certain about what you want.

Do I need BDSM equipment?

Since you are new to BDSM, you might think that you need to buy a lot of fancy BDSM equipment, a dungeon membership, lots of costumes and so on to have a great time. But the truth is that you don’t need most of these things to have an excellent session.

All you need is confidence, imagination, and communication. If you have these three elements your BDSM session is going to be a blast.

While there is nothing wrong with buying toys, it is important that you first learn as much as you can about any toy before buying it. Try to attend any fetish fair or event in your city. There, handmade toys and equipment are sold at a reasonable price. You can also get bespoke clothes and BDSM furniture at a discount price.

The right way to start

As mentioned earlier, start slowly and work your way up. If you ignore this warning, you are going to end up weirding your partner out.

It best you start with something both of you are comfortable with. For example, if you partner love riding you, you can grab her and say *you are going to ride me until I say stop*

Your partner is going to be like your plaything or your toy. Your goal should be to play with them until you had your fill. The interesting part of this is that she is going to love it.

Ask your partner what she is interested in or what makes her tick. You also should tell her about your fantasies and the crazy things you want to do.

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Yes, at first, both of you might be shy about talking about kinky stuff, but with time both of you will get used to it. Remember that the journey of a thousand leagues starts with a step. So, don’t rush things.

BDSM is all about having fun, not just sticking to the rules or following some rigid guidelines.

It is not about perfecting the moves you learned in a porn movie; rather it is about finding what makes you feel alive and powerful or submissive.

Talk to your partner during the practice. Ask her how much she is enjoying what you are doing to her. You also should do the same.

BDSM rules to live by

Below are some rules that will not only protect you but make the practice more fun and enjoyable.

  • Don’t send pictures to friends and family member just to prove that you how submissive or dominant you are.
  • Keep some arnica cream handy- it helps reduce pain.
  • Power play outside the bedroom-give your partner a
  • Rule for a day and the punishment for breaking the rule you gave her.
  • You can save cost by using household items instead of expensive toys.
  • Don’t use gaffa tape, cables or anything that can cut blood
  • Circulation. Instead, use cotton ropes and silk ties.
 

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